Team Owner Luxury Suite

TL DR:

• Week 8 is upon us.
• Slowly but surely the wheat is being separated from the chaff.
• New trade on the block for voting in case you’d like to interfere with Stefan & I’s mutual improvement

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Week 7 has passed us by and the midway point of the season is rapidly approaching; feels like just yesterday we were drafting up our teams, pouring over our rosters, and windmill slamming the “seasons over” button because one tiny thing went wrong.

While we’ve had some teams jockeying for position and battling it out in the power rankings, to this point the season has proceeded fairly predictably: I’ve done great and demonstrated myself to be the supreme ball-knower while the rest of you have bumped and grasped at the bottom of the standings like the ball-knowing equivalent of those salamanders who are born without eyes.

I am also pleased to declare victory in the annual Munhall Bowl, defeating my brother by a single point to reclaim my rightful position as oldest sibling.

Week 7 Recap

Alec, Joey, Stefan, Emma, Tony & Sydney are the Week 7 winners 🥳

Sam, Kate, Will, George, Sadie & Rosie/Julia are the Week 7 losers ❌

Emma gets the highest score this week with 157.56 and also defeats Sydney’s season high record of 150.18, becoming the new record holder. Her campaign of domination knows no bounds.

On the other side of things, we had another super close matchup this week between Sam and the Daytona Slurs. The Slurs took the game by a smidge over 1 point, thanks in no small part to Rashee Rice’s 23.2 point performance coming back from his multi-week suspension for “collision involving serious bodily injury” and “racing on a highway causing bodily injury”…
Let’s keep our foot on the proverbial(!) gas pedal for the rest of the season Rashee!

This week the highest scoring player was the Denver Buckos’s Bo Nix with a monstrous and satisfyingly round 40.0 total points, only barely beating out Sam’s Christian McCaffrey and his 39.1 points.

And now the scores:

Daytona Slurs – 101.74 vs The Better Munhall 100.48

HouseOfDaDragIcon – 110.26 vs clinton crime family 103.24

Daddy Milkers – 55.84 vs Cape Canaveral Challengers – 115.42

Denver Buckos – 149.02 vs Glizzy Guzzler – 157.56

blackstone valley staybehinders – 146.88 vs spooky poopy dookies – 116.54

josie schapolitano oyster heads – 76.86 vs Lets Go Brandos – 134.9

POWER Rankings

And of course, the most important part, the Official post-Week 7 Power Rankings^tm

Emma remains the big story over the past few weeks, continuing her climb and finally breaking into a Top 3 that has been relatively static for the past few weeks.

From the Office of the Commissioner

🎵 Now Playing 🎵

That’s our Week 7!

I know I promised China for you all today, but fret not 小鸭, more analysis soon.

Instead, there are some late breaking sports stories that have captured my attention. Well, one story in particular…

Today, there were multiple arrests and indictments of current and former NBA players and coaches related to a couple of illegal gambling schemes. These sorts of issues have been coming up a lot lately in the Nonpublic Betting Alliance National Basketball Association. It brings to mind a series of best practices I want to make sure we’re all aware of and sticking to:

Best Practice #1

• If you are a professional athlete, a really bad way to make money is to gamble on yourself. You’re not allowed to do that! At the very least the league will be mad if they find out but probably the government will be too. You’re a professional athlete, presumably you have some degree of skill and ability that has gotten you to where you are and allows you to access millions of dollars in contracts, seems like a good thing to focus on! And it’s actually kinda hard to make a lot of money doing the illegal gambling, even when you can fix the outcome of the bets, which brings us to our next point…

Best Practice #2

• If you are a professional athlete and you are planning to make some money on the side via illegal gambling (or more realistically; help your buddies make some money on the side via illegal gambling)… basically the worst possible way to do it is to bet props. The market for your props is probably not very large or active. Even if you’re sneaking into the other team’s locker room to read LeBron’s diary to figure out if he’s playing or not. The prop markets are for parlays and degenerates and the sportsbooks are literally in the market of identifying and pricing patterns from data. They know who the sharps are (and they limit their bets) and they know who the marks are. They will see your buddy placing whale bets on your unders, or a few people placing reasonable winning bets consistently, or a bunch of sock puppet accounts simply making certain players’ prop markets more correct than others.

Best Practice #3

• The other scheme was a rigged poker game where they scammed unsuspecting gamblers into millions in losses, which brings us to our third best practice; if you are invited to an illegal poker game and you do not personally know everybody at the table just assume that you are a mark and being cheated out of your money. Adverse selection people, get it in your head.
  That said, if you’re the one doing the scamming… yeah, I dunno, you could probably do worse. Just, you know, make sure nobody snitches to the feds and you’re set.

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You do all suck.
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Love & Solidarity,
Alec